Everyman Sleeping Schedule Day 3: An open letter to my brain


I don’t know how to say this nicely, but you can’t continue like this. I understand that you think you have something special with S, but she’s just using you. You must leave her before it’s too late. You’re my friend, I care about you, and I don’t want to see you hurt. So please, break up with the snooz-button before it’s too late, for both our sake. 

With love, from your friend and body, Alec

So yeah.
My brain decided to snooz for one and a half hour this morning. I vaguely remember waking up, sitting up and…. Nope that’s all i remember, I don’t even remember turning of the alarm or laying back down again. *Sigh*
I could accept four hours, but four and a half is to step over some kind of invincible, magical, fictional line… WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?

Either way, I seem to have developed an unhealthy snoozing habit the last couple of years, so I need to try and get out of that. I am not going to quit yet, I just need to have some extra time to get used to getting up immediately when I wake up.

The naps are going good at least. I’m not sleeping during them yet, but at least my body feel really relaxed and I can feel the start of falling asleep. But there is a bit to go before I will be able to sleep properly during them.

And i forgot the water bottle again. *Hits myself*. I was incredibly tired already from midnight, so when the time came to go to sleep, I had already turned into a zombie and just thought “beeeeeed”. I’LL DO BETTER TONIGHT… I hope :3

Everyman Sleeping Schedule Day 2: Rearranging


And once again I overslept. This time was a bit over one hour, plus I spent an extra hour in bed without sleeping. *Sigh* Who would have thought that this would be so hard for someone that is used to snoozing for four hours in a row?

Oh well, it seems like I am better at waking up at six in the morning than five, so now I will do the first drastic change to my schedule.

Schedule before:
02.00-05.00 Sleep
11.00-11.20 Nap
18.00-18.40 Nap

New schedule:
03.00-06.00 Sleep
11.00-11.20 Nap
18.00-18.20 Nap
23.00-23.20 Nap

So now I put on an extra nap and made the other nap a bit shorter. The hardest part now will probably be to stay awake until three in the morning. Even though I usually do it easily, the last few days have been hard just getting to two am. But I think the later evening nap will help with that (even though I probably still have some days to go before I actually fall asleep during the naps)

And I totally forgot to bring the water bottle with me to bed. Stupid! *Hits myself* I’ll definitely remember it tonight. I hope.

Day two and I’m still not feeling awfully tired. Though I have been sleeping slightly more than I should. On the other hand, I didn’t sleep during the naps, so technically I have slept the right amount of hours haha. Anyway, I promise, I will stop clicking the snoozbutton, I will bring water to my bed and I will not forget my naps. Which almost happened yesterday when I watched an anime and suddenly remembered that I had to check the clock. It was 2 minutes past six. Damn I’m lucky.

And that was the update for today. Even though it seems like I’m useless and just oversleeps, this is still going  much better than expected. I expected to oversleep with five hours for a week or so before I started to get into it haha. (Like I did during Monday)

Bye bye now :)

Everyman sleeping schedule Day 1


So as I said some days ago, I have now started with the Everyman sleeping schedule. I were supposed to start with it yesterday, but I turned off the alarm, laid down again and thought “I can just close my eyes for five more minutes”, and whoops, five hours passed by before I woke up again. Smooth!

Today it went better. I did fall asleep again, but only for an hour extra. So instead of three hours I slept for four hours. I have taken my first nap some hours ago, even though I couldn’t fall asleep at all. Which was weird cause I always fall asleep when I have a headache, and I have had a headache for two days now. I think it might be because I was awake for over 40 hours straight and then slept 7 hours on Sunday, 7 hours Monday and now I only slept four. So my body might be a bit sleep deprived. I’ll make sure to drink lots of water and hopefully this first week won’t be completely horrible.

This first day has been decent. I’m not feeling completely brain dead, though I do feel slightly tired. But not much worse from when I get eight to twelve hours of sleep. They say that the first day is pretty easy, and then things goes to shit during the last days of the first week.

Falling asleep haven’t been as hard as I thought it would be, usually I fall asleep first after 2-3 hours after I have gone to bed. But during the last two days I have actually fallen asleep during the first half hour. Probably because I’m not fully recovered after my 40 hours staying awake marathon.

So that was the update of the day. I have spent one night with the everyman sleeping schedule, I overslept with an hour, I’m feeling a bit tired but nothing severe so far, and things seems to be going fine.

I’m thinking about putting a bottle of water in my bed for tomorrow morning so that when I wake up I can drink it and maybe it will help me to get out of bed.

And that was all for today. See you tomorrow! Hopefully I won’t fall asleep on the keyboard. ;)

Everyman sleeping schedule! I might go crazy, but that’s what life’s for


Hello, it’s me. You know, that person that said s/he would become more active and then stopped writing completely the day afterwards.
Yeah… I’m back now. I think.

I’m mainly back because I need somewhere to blog about my health under the upcoming weeks. And since I have a blog already I’m going to use it for that purpose. But I will start writing about the normal stuff I used to write about before too. (Was that normal?)

The reason I am going to write about my health is because I am going to start an experiment from tonight and two month’s forward. I will try the everyman sleeping schedule, which means sleeping for 3 hours straight and then take 20 minutes x 3 naps during the day. Instead of 3 20 minutes naps I will take one 20 minute nap and one 40 minute nap during the day, mainly because it seems to work with a work schedule much more easily.

The main reason for why I am doing this is because of my insomnia. If my body is able to adjust to my new schedule then I will be able to fall asleep much faster than my normal 1-4 hours with 2 hours at the average. If I force my body to only spend a short amount of time in bed then it should eventually get used to only sleep on those specific times…. Hopefully. If it doesn’t work out well, then I will stop it and return to lay in bed for twelve sleepless hours. (Over-exaggeration x1000)
Even if it is a success, I might still go back to a more normal sleep cycle with 6-8 hours of sleep. As I said, it’s mainly to try and get rid of my insomnia. But if I feel properly rested with only four hours of sleep and it doesn’t affect me in any bad way, then I might continue with it. Only time will tell how this will end.

The second reason I decided to do this for was because of time. I usually lie in bed for 9-12 hours and only sleep for 4-8 of those hours, both because it takes so much time for me to fall asleep and because I never feel well rested when I first wake up so I snooze for 2-4 hours before actually getting out of bed. That is time I could do so much better (or mindless) things on, so why not try a method that might give me the time I usually spend not sleeping or half sleep on?

So I will write about how this little experiment is going, how I feel, etc. The first week will apparently be a living nightmare, and I might turn into a zombie, but then it usually gets better. Though since my insomnia is a douche bag, I think it will take at least two weeks to adjust.

For the moment my schedule will be
Sleep 2Am – 5Am
Nap 11.20-11.40 (Then eat lunch)
Nap  18.20-19.00 (Dinner afterwards)

I’m also working on a work-out schedule and a list of things to do. Many people have stopped the everyman sleeping schedule because they got bored when they didn’t know what to do with their extra time, so I’ll better keep myself busy. I’m expecting the schedule to change a bit during the first month. Maybe I notice that one or three in the morning are better times to fall asleep on, and in that case I will start moving around it a bit. I might have to extend the naps to three small ones, or maybe just move them to other times.

So this will be an interesting period for me. Let’s see how horrible I will feel in the upcoming days. :3

You know what I remembered now…. We will soon turn the clock back to summer time again… Don’t know when exactly but I think it’s just a month or two away… … Which mean I will have to get adjusted to my new schedule shortly after getting adjusted to my new schedule.. … GUH! DAMN YOU SUMMER AND WINTER TIME!!!!

Phagophobia (My story)


‘I wish I could eat together with my family without feeling terrified over that someone might suffocate to death at any moment, including myself.’

When I were a kid I had a horrible experience. I suffocated on pasta. Luckily my dad were able to save me. After that I weren’t able to eat pasta for a long time, and after half a year it went over to other kinds of food. In the end I lived on yogurt and other drinkable things.

I wanted to eat, I wished I could swallow, I wished that I could go out and eat with my friends. My parents got me to try and eat something almost everyday,  and everyday the result was the same. I put it in my mouth, I started to chew and everything was fine. Then when I were about to swallow it felt like my throat closed down and I could barely breath. So I continued to chew and chew until I eventually spit it out. At that point the food was almost as fluent as water.

People didn’t understand why I didn’t eat. I tried to explain that something was wrong with my throat but the doctors said nothing was wrong with it. My dad even asked when we went to the dentist if I had started to get my wisdom teeth and if that could be the problem. They hadn’t started to grow out yet.

At times people told me to stop being so ridiculous and just eat the food, which made it all just worse. I stopped trying to eat because every time I failed it felt like I was disappointing everyone, and myself. I told my parents that I tried food in school and in school I told them that I tried to eat at home. I just couldn’t try to eat something and fail all the time, because it made me more and more depressed.

If my friend’s parents asked me if I wanted to eat with them when I visited then I just said that I had already eaten before I came or that I would eat when I came home. I just couldn’t explain the situation to them. I always watched my friends eat, wishing that I also could join them and at the same time being afraid that they might suffocate at any moment.

At one time our class went to a cinema to watch a movie about how the digestive system worked. It felt like I were about to puke when she started to chew on the tomato and then swallowed it. I ran out of the cinema when the scene where the tomato started to go down her throat and into her stomach came up.

It wasn’t the only time I had to leave because of a scene in a movie. It happened every time we watched a movie I had never seen before where they at some point sat down and ate. Sometimes I even asked if someone would suffocate in the movie just to be sure, but even when the teacher said that it didn’t happen in that movie I still couldn’t stay through those scenes.

I lost a lot of weight during one and a half year when my phagophobia was at its worst. Then came the night. I asked my parents if I could stay up late to finish watching the star wars movie that went on tv, it would end after midnight and I were eleven or twelve years old. They said it was okay and then they went to bed. I knew that there was chips and other snacks in the kitchen, and I hadn’t eaten those things for so long. I hadn’t even tried to eat anything like that for so long. I just wanted to taste.

So I went into the kitchen, I was not afraid since I didn’t even think I would try to swallow it. I would just chew a bit on a chip and then I would spit it out. I had no plans on swallowing it because I knew that it wouldn’t work any way. But as I chewed it tasted really yummy and after a little while I actually swallowed it without any problem. I took another on and another one and I couldn’t believe how easy it was to swallow. I was happier than I had ever been in my whole life for something everyone else takes for granted.

It took me some time before I were able to eat food again. I think it took me half a year from that I ate my first chip until I could eat almost everything I usually ate. Pasta took much longer though. The same for apples, carrots and candy that was hard to chew.

But it didn’t matter that I couldn’t eat everything, because I could eat some things at least. I fast gained all the weight I had lost during those years without food, and soon I even gained more. I became over weight and once again went into depression. I ate too much food because I hadn’t eaten in so long, I didn’t know what was too much and I couldn’t stop myself. No one told me that after you get over an eating disorder it’s very easy to start and eat too much instead.

It was first when I got  into high school that I started to eat properly and went down some kilos. The support I got from my new and old friends helped me reach my dream weight during the three years I went in high school. But it was a bit more than that that made me reach my goal. My phagophobia has come back around once or twice every year, between two and four weeks every time. It has never been as bad as it was the first time, but it has still been pretty bad.

Last time was just some month’s ago when it stayed for around four or five weeks. I didn’t even dare to tell my parents about it because I didn’t want to worry them, so every time they made the food and I couldn’t eat it, then I just threw it away when they couldn’t see. I went down some kilos during that period, but once I were able to start eating again I went up those kilos pretty fast.

I will always be afraid that my phagophobia will come back, and I will probably get relapses many more times in my life. I will probably always be afraid of watching people eating, but I will still try and go out with my friends to eat and have a fun time. Me and many others will fight this phobia for probably the rest of our lives. I don’t know how I got over it the first time. I never went to a psychologist since my parents never sent me to one, and I didn’t speak with my friends about it. I have no idea how I made it through as a kid, but I know that every time I have fallen back into phagophobia when I became older it has been my friends that has helped me out of it.

I don’t tell everyone about it, I don’t tell my family about it. But I rely on my closest friends and I know that they are there for me when I need them. They help me to get through my hard times, just like I try to help them get through theirs. I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.

What I want to say with this post is that you can make it through those hard times, even though it seems like you won’t ever get rid of that stupid phobia that holds you down every day, there are ways to get rid of it. For some it might be enough with a friend, for others it’s the family and others might need a good psychologist. There is always a way.

(Phagophobia both means the fear of swallowing and the fear of being swallowed, it has nothing to do with the fear of eating together with others but are often a consequence of the fear of swallowing.)

Aromantic


Some of you regular readers probably remembers that I am Asexual. Since I realized that I was Asexual I have always thought that my romantic orientation was Biromantic (Kind of like a default setting), since I can get strong feelings for both guys and girls.

Lately (some month’s ago) I started to think about it and I noticed that the feelings I have or have had towards people I date or have dated or I liked without them knowing it, is pretty much the same feelings as I feel for my closest friends. I started to look up Aromantic and other romantic orientations but fast thought that it was ridiculous that I could be Aromantic, and I didn’t find anything else that really matched.

Later on I started to search on Aromantic again, it was just something that bugged me and I had to really research it. Soon I found out that Aromantic people often gets stronger relationships towards their friends, and some of them likes to cuddle with their friends, which pretty much fits in on me. Soon after that I had completely realized that I probably are an Aromantic Asexual.

So for the moment I am thinking of myself as Asexual Aromantic. It might change in the future since I notice new things about myself all the time. Maybe I’m actually sexual but haven’t found the right person yet…. … *Tries not to laugh at that ridiculous statement*

So yeah, I just thought I should make a report over my sexual realization journey! Today I actually realized that if people had told me from the beginning that there were more than Heterosexual, Bisexual and homosexual then I might have been able to skip all that confusion about my sexuality throughout puberty! Thanks society!

On other news, I have now gotten tumblr. I will post shorter posts there and a bit more actively. On this page I write more lengthy posts with more thoughts about everything while there I will mostly talk about things in a couple of paragraphs. So if you’re interested in following me then check my tumblr. So far there is nothing of interest on it, but there probably will be in the future. I will also answer questions on it if someone is interested enough to ask.

I think that was all for today. Goodnight my fellow humans.

Gender equality


Sometimes now and then when I hear people speak about equality I hear them take up women rights. We can’t deny that women have less rights in some issues, but that’s not the whole problem. Men also have less rights in some issues and are treated worse in some circumstances. Instead of focusing on only women rights or only men’s rights maybe we should focus on human rights.


Maybe I am stepping on dangerous ground when I talk about this, but that doesn’t mean that the problem shouldn’t be discussed. We are all humans and should be treated as humans. A girl shouldn’t be treated differently from a guy only because she is a girl, just like a guy shouldn’t be treated differently just because he is a guy.

One example where the two genders are treated very differently is when it comes to homosexuality. When people speak about homosexuality they mostly speak about males. In some African countries where homosexuality is illegal, men will get harsher punishments than women. In some African countries it’s even legal for a female to be homosexual when its illegal for a male in the exact same country. It seems that it is much worse to be a male homosexual than a female homosexual.

Here in Sweden we have it pretty good with the equality, but just as any other country we have places where it doesn’t work even though we are trying. The problem with Sweden is often that we are thinking too much about not being racists and too much about not being sexists. Instead of making us an equal country we are making ourselves into a stupid country. This is why:

A while ago I heard a story from one of my friends. She likes politics and often goes to different groups to talk or work with political things. Now I don’t remember the story correctly and I don’t remember where she were or what the work was. But there was one place she went to for a political thing where they wanted to be equal, so they employed people so it would be around 50/50 females and males. This sound like an awesome idea, but in reality it wasn’t. One of the females that worked there that my friend met didn’t do her job, and didn’t seem to have any idea what her job even was.

Equality is good, but that doesn’t mean that you have to have 50 % females and 50% males on a workplace. You should employ the people that are good at the job and can do their job, even if that gives you 70 % males and 30% females. The only way for us to actually make sure that it becomes fifty fifty is if in every classroom there is fifty percent females and fifty percent males that learns exactly the same things and wants to get exactly the same jobs. There might not be that many girls that wants to be plumbers and that’s why more men takes that education. So some jobs will have more men than females and some jobs will have more females than males. It doesn’t mean the workplace doesn’t treat their workers equally or refrain from taking in women.

So when is a workplace un-equal? 
When the person that employs people actually care more about the gender and actually tries to only take in people from one specific gender. The only way we would know if some workplace actually prefers to take in a certain gender would be if we actually got to look at the applications and see if someone that wasn’t employed actually would have been better fitted for the job than someone else.

Also we can see it on the way women and men are treated. A woman that works exactly the same hours, have worked the same amount of years and works exactly as hard as her co-worker that is a man should have the same pay as him. If they don’t get the same pay even though they started working at the same time and have the same amount of hours then they aren’t treated as equals.

It doesn’t matter if it’s men or women that are mistreated, both genders matters and they should be treated equally. We aren’t men and women, we are humans, we are people, and we should be treated as that. Instead of treating a woman one way and a man another, treat them as humans. Don’t hold the door open only for the woman that walks a bit behind you, hold it up for the human that walks a bit behind you. Can’t hit a woman? Why isn’t it, can’t hit a human? If someone hits you, it doesn’t matter if its a woman or a man, you have the right to hit back. Or you could be the better person and not hit at all. But don’t stop yourself from hitting just because its a woman, and don’t hit the person just because it is a man. Either you decide, if someone hits me, then I have a right to hit back. Or you decide, if someone hits me, whatever gender that person has, I won’t hit back.

Stop thinking gender, start thinking human!